Just to Vent.

I just feel like writing an entry. Journal-style. Its 2:57 and I most definitely should be on my way to pick up Hannah and Mason from school. But I'm going to take a minute and jot my thoughts since I usually wait too long between posts and the things I write about seem very broad and boring.
Yesterday was pretty crazy. I haven't cleaned the house in a couple weeks because I've been soo busy with life. So. Yesterday I did the unthinkable. I skipped my workout. Shocking. For those of you that know me anyway. So I spent 4 hours scrubbing this nasty place. 3 hours into it I dropped off Mason at school and Isaac at his buddy Jeremy's so I could finish up in peace. Plus I had my friend Adrienne bringing over her newborn for his shoot. I had about 30 minutes between cleaning and her arrival to pull out all the gear required for the shoot and then I had 30 seconds to eat lunch, and zero time for a shower. Whatever. She sees me all nasty at the gym all the time.
Adrienne came over with her mom-in-law and adorable 2 year old and 6 day old and we went to town. Took tons of shots, breaks to nurse, more shots, more nursing. Kids come home from school-thanks to my friend and neighbor Patty- while we continued shooting. That baby was adorable, cooperative, and pretty darn big for a 6 day old! We wrapped up about 4:30 pm. I was sweaty from the space heater, and covered in baby pee. Good thing I didn't shower! I took a quick email break to realize I had a client expecting their order delivered at 6:00, which I hadn't even packaged up yet! So, 45 minutes later I finish that, and find a mess of children and ice cream, and I have a melt down. Yelling at everyone to wash up and sit their butts on the couch and watch a movie and not move until bed time.Yeah I said that. Well, screamed it. I just cleaned the flipping house for crying out loud! Meanwhile, minutes are ticking by and I still hadn't showered and Brooke was coming over in 30 minutes or so for our date night--yeah its a Monday. Please don't judge me for skipping FHE. Still no dinner for kids either. Finally Jared walks in, I ask him to make ravioli for the kids while I run up and take the fastest shower ever. Brooke comes over and we dash out, soaking wet hair, and client's order in hand. Eventually I find myself at the movie theater with my man, and a big bag of popcorn for dinner, and I relax.
So. I didn't really intend to write out my itinerary from yesterday, but oh well. Last night I went to bed late, after editing a few from the newborn shoot. I then woke up at 4 a.m. thinking of the billions of things on my to-do list and I became stressed and overwhelmed and couldn't fall back to sleep. Til 6. Then I dragged myself out of bed at 7 with a naked Isaac pulling my hand and pleading with me to get him dressed. Which of course I do. Of course I made it to the gym as usual, but on the verge of tears due to stress and exhaustion. So tired. I beat myself up emotionally the first half of the spin class, but about 25 minutes into it I basically say WHATEVER. And get mad and crazy on the bike. Sweat dripping off my back and everywhere else. Luckily the man beside me with a swimming pool under his bike makes me feel like relieved I'm not sweating as much as him! The endorphins kicked in and I ended the class feeling much better. But I still feel overwhelmed, and here I am, putting off all the editing I have to do and the grocery shopping i have to do, and the dinner I need to make and the emails I need to send to clients and the lesson I have to prepare for Sunday. I'm pooped. Emotionally and physically spent. But I'm grateful that I have a way to help our family make ends meet-a way that is fun and super flexible and giving me some room for creativity.
I think if I wasn't so obsessed about physical fitness my life would seem a little less crazy too. But that's not happening any time soon. In fact, when I get more stressed my obsession goes up. Thank you Laura Lee for getting it. Understanding it and experiencing it just like me, because honestly, that makes me feel better and helps it settle down. But thank goodness for exercise cause as much as it makes me crazy, it keeps me sane.
But all in all, life is good. Good kids, great husband, supportive family and friends. I'm blessed and I need to remind myself often of my blessings. Its too easy to get caught up in everyone else's awesomeness...when I forget that Heavenly Father has allotted me some pretty sweet blessings too. I'm sleepy now. Its 3:26. (I stopped and picked kids up a while ago) I have a few more hours ahead of me, and now is not the time to stop! So here I go. Wish me luck.

Some Isaac time!

So the first Wednesday of every month, the Bay Area Children's Discovery Museum is free. We had a membership there years ago, but it takes 30 minutes to get to, plus cost, plus bringing food, diaper bags, etc. etc. Working it around school got hard, and I just got tired of it. Isaac doesn't get to do a whole lot, as the fourth child. We go to the gym every day, and then he gets speech twice a week, but that's about it! I mean, he does ASK to go to the gym in the morning, so that's a plus! But in April, I decided to take him. I took Mason to school, and then just packed a small lunch for Isaac and drove us on down. Of course he fell asleep in the car. So first I made a quick detour to the Marin Headlands and took a little look at the beautiful Golden Gate bridge. But then I had to park a million miles away and carry him in. Just after I'd been so excited to NOT bring a stroller, or anything since he's so capable of walking everywhere. So dang. I carried him. Far. He woke up once we got in and was immediately excited to be there. We met Jennifer Johnson and Jeremy there, as well as some other church friends that I only saw for like 2 minutes before Isaac dragged me a different direction. Luckily we met Jennifer and Jeremy in the tot spot and could've played there the rest of the time. It was a blast!



And a couple random pictures.

Easter!

Well Easter seemed a little quieter this year. The kids had Good Friday off of school. (They called it a furlough day.) Jaxon woke up with a fever. Of course he had to be sick over Easter weekend! So, I gave him some tylenol and when he felt better I took them to see the movie Hop. The entire focus of the movie was on the Easter bunny and all the candy that he delivers! Cute movie but I realized halfway through that I hadn't discussed the meaning of Easter (which I'll have to do until they're all moved out, I'm sure!) with them this year. So, I committed to do it the next day. However, there was an Easter egg hunt put on by the primary at the church, so I took the kids to that, dropped them off and went to the gym. (Jared had been out all evening the night before and was out again that morning on a bike ride--so I needed some 'me' time to say the least!) Anyway the kids told me afterward that they had talked about the crucifixion and resurrection and everything so I kind of asked a few followup questions, and called it good! Thank you, Primary!
On Easter Sunday, we went to church and honestly I can't remember how it went. Probably fine! I think I taught Sunday school--so I should remember, but I don't. So then after church, we took the kids to the grandparents where I hid eggs for them to find, and Grandma provided a fun scavenger hunt. We had a nice, relaxing day. We missed Trav and Jenna and the kids though, who were down in Southern Cal with Jenna's family. We also got to have Maya and Jenny with us that day which was super fun-watching Maya's first Easter egg hunt! (At least I'm not sure how it went down last  year, she was pretty young).



It was a fun time!

Mother's Day Catch-Up!

For Mother's Day I asked for some blogging time. Some family blogging time. Lame, right? But as it IS Mother's Day, and I lay in bed at 9:30 a.m. (being lucky enough to sleep in today with only a few interruptions), I lay thinking how I am the blessed one. (While also smelling the best aroma of home made whole grain waffles-YUM!) Today is the day the kids/husband honor me...but it should be the other way around. Mason handed me the card he made me at school at 6 a.m. He's been saving it in his room since Wednesday for crying out loud! Hannah and Jaxon also gave me their thoughtful cards they made at both school and church, but I especially feel blessed to have been given these particular kids to raise. Sometimes I look at them and wonder where the heck they came from--they have such unique personalities and characteristics that are sooo natural to each of them, and not instilled by me or their dad. I don't think I ever knew how powerful mommy love can be. Something that I'm sitting here trying to think of good adjectives to describe, and can't. Its sitting in the ER with my 8 year old and holding his hand and thinking of all the amazing things he's going to do in his life. All the people he's going to influence and connect with, and change. Its seeing Hannah being her kid self and causing tornado-like disaster with her brilliant imagination, but then the next minute cooking herself breakfast and making her own lunch for school like a grown up. Its reading in her card that she wants to be just like her mom. Like, really? Regardless of my petty outbursts and ridiculous-ness...she still wants to be like ME? Wow. I guess cause I'm her mom. Which puts a TON of responsibility on these shoulders. Mommy love. Its laying next to the 3 year old in the morning for an hour while he patiently plays with my hair while waiting for me to get up. Its the 6 year old that climbs on my lap for snuggles, and to push my hair behind my ears. Its in the defenses that go up the SECOND anyone might say or hint anything that suggests my children might be less than perfect. Well, sure, they're not perfect, but only I am allowed to say it! I am really enjoying my children these days. I am realizing how fast the days are going by and how they're not staying the same age, or size or same anything! I am humbled by them and learning from constantly. I expect that they will teach me soo much more, than I will ever teach them.
I am so thankful to my own mom and the things she taught me in ways more than just her words. Her amazing example spoke volumes and I hope to do the same for my own kids. I know I have work to do.
I really should take pictures of my house right now. What happens when the kids happily entertain themselves while I work on the computer. Scary, but worth it. They're making memories! I LOVE that they all get along so great and can play together for so many hours. I think a lot of it is because of Hannah. She really involves everyone and allows everyone in on the action. They say they're playing the "boat game." All their webkinz on blankets on the floor. Jared is making a tri-tip and roast vegetables for dinner. And since its our 2nd day off (Easter was the first) in our 60 day sugar free challenge--we are having home made chocolate chip cookies, and ice cream that Jared picked up last night at Coldstone. Yum!
I'm spoiled rotten today. And I need to take pictures to post. Okay. Got some pictures. Not the best, but its something to remember today by.