Just to Vent.

I just feel like writing an entry. Journal-style. Its 2:57 and I most definitely should be on my way to pick up Hannah and Mason from school. But I'm going to take a minute and jot my thoughts since I usually wait too long between posts and the things I write about seem very broad and boring.
Yesterday was pretty crazy. I haven't cleaned the house in a couple weeks because I've been soo busy with life. So. Yesterday I did the unthinkable. I skipped my workout. Shocking. For those of you that know me anyway. So I spent 4 hours scrubbing this nasty place. 3 hours into it I dropped off Mason at school and Isaac at his buddy Jeremy's so I could finish up in peace. Plus I had my friend Adrienne bringing over her newborn for his shoot. I had about 30 minutes between cleaning and her arrival to pull out all the gear required for the shoot and then I had 30 seconds to eat lunch, and zero time for a shower. Whatever. She sees me all nasty at the gym all the time.
Adrienne came over with her mom-in-law and adorable 2 year old and 6 day old and we went to town. Took tons of shots, breaks to nurse, more shots, more nursing. Kids come home from school-thanks to my friend and neighbor Patty- while we continued shooting. That baby was adorable, cooperative, and pretty darn big for a 6 day old! We wrapped up about 4:30 pm. I was sweaty from the space heater, and covered in baby pee. Good thing I didn't shower! I took a quick email break to realize I had a client expecting their order delivered at 6:00, which I hadn't even packaged up yet! So, 45 minutes later I finish that, and find a mess of children and ice cream, and I have a melt down. Yelling at everyone to wash up and sit their butts on the couch and watch a movie and not move until bed time.Yeah I said that. Well, screamed it. I just cleaned the flipping house for crying out loud! Meanwhile, minutes are ticking by and I still hadn't showered and Brooke was coming over in 30 minutes or so for our date night--yeah its a Monday. Please don't judge me for skipping FHE. Still no dinner for kids either. Finally Jared walks in, I ask him to make ravioli for the kids while I run up and take the fastest shower ever. Brooke comes over and we dash out, soaking wet hair, and client's order in hand. Eventually I find myself at the movie theater with my man, and a big bag of popcorn for dinner, and I relax.
So. I didn't really intend to write out my itinerary from yesterday, but oh well. Last night I went to bed late, after editing a few from the newborn shoot. I then woke up at 4 a.m. thinking of the billions of things on my to-do list and I became stressed and overwhelmed and couldn't fall back to sleep. Til 6. Then I dragged myself out of bed at 7 with a naked Isaac pulling my hand and pleading with me to get him dressed. Which of course I do. Of course I made it to the gym as usual, but on the verge of tears due to stress and exhaustion. So tired. I beat myself up emotionally the first half of the spin class, but about 25 minutes into it I basically say WHATEVER. And get mad and crazy on the bike. Sweat dripping off my back and everywhere else. Luckily the man beside me with a swimming pool under his bike makes me feel like relieved I'm not sweating as much as him! The endorphins kicked in and I ended the class feeling much better. But I still feel overwhelmed, and here I am, putting off all the editing I have to do and the grocery shopping i have to do, and the dinner I need to make and the emails I need to send to clients and the lesson I have to prepare for Sunday. I'm pooped. Emotionally and physically spent. But I'm grateful that I have a way to help our family make ends meet-a way that is fun and super flexible and giving me some room for creativity.
I think if I wasn't so obsessed about physical fitness my life would seem a little less crazy too. But that's not happening any time soon. In fact, when I get more stressed my obsession goes up. Thank you Laura Lee for getting it. Understanding it and experiencing it just like me, because honestly, that makes me feel better and helps it settle down. But thank goodness for exercise cause as much as it makes me crazy, it keeps me sane.
But all in all, life is good. Good kids, great husband, supportive family and friends. I'm blessed and I need to remind myself often of my blessings. Its too easy to get caught up in everyone else's awesomeness...when I forget that Heavenly Father has allotted me some pretty sweet blessings too. I'm sleepy now. Its 3:26. (I stopped and picked kids up a while ago) I have a few more hours ahead of me, and now is not the time to stop! So here I go. Wish me luck.